You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can text with my tongue
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
