fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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