Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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