I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
