life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
