after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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