We're facebook friends in real life
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My bed smells like the plague
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
