this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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