So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
