If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
be right there i have to get my cape
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
