When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
