I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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