Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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