He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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