why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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