Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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