I should be sponsored by Trojan
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
