Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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