dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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