im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
