I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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