wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
