Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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