So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
