I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
