no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
