are you still at the devil's house?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
