I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize