shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
