And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
