He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
