My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
