If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
