I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
