You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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