there's paper in my vomit.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
