On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
