some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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