the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
two words: eviction party
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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