Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
