Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
