i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
