I'm gonna have a badass scar
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
