Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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