I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
