Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
