They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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