She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up under a house in Key West
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
