My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
