This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize