I need to stop coming to work sober
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
