ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
