remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
