he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
