Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
