Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
