It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
