I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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