FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
