How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
