it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
