Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I want a musical about memes.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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