i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
operation have a gay friend backfired
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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