from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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