cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My vagina is very pro this idea
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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