i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
there is glitter all over my balls
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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