took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
