There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
so much tequila, so little girl.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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