started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
