ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
