apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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