Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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