T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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