11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
