Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
